Problem Like Maria

This is the actual transcript of a non-televised debate between Bush and Kerry. The names were changed to protect their identities.

How Do We Solve a Problem Like Maria?

 

 

    THE HAWK

 

How do we solve a problem like Korea?

How can we keep the situation calm?

We've really got to handle North Korea.

    'cause like it or not

        They've already got

            The bomb.

They won't defuse or ever refuse to use it.

How do we know just what they may have planned?

    So see it as you will.

        We can't trust Kim Jong Il,

            No point in drawing lines across the sand.

We've gotta drop the bomb on North Korea.

How can we make the U.N. understand?

 

    THE DOVE

 

We don't really have a problem in Korea.

We shouldn't attack, we've gotta pull back, retrench.

Diplomacy has to be our panacea.

    On this we depend,

        We dare not offend

            The French!

They've already told us what we have to send them.

So give us no lip, just ship them food and oil.

    And have a pleasant day.

        This all will go away.

            Just keep your head stuck deeply in the sand.

All this will buy us time with North Korea.

Relax as we all await their next demand.