I Don't Need Anything

I DON’T NEED ANYTHING BUT YOU

(MetLife HR’s final memo to Hartford-based employees)

Together at last!

And not even levered!

The merger went fast.

Now everyone’s severed.

We bought your company

To make our dreams come true.

We’re keeping everything but you!

Don’t bother to call,

Don’t bother to linger.

You gave us your all

We gave you the finger.

Thanks for your efforts

And for how your assets grew.

We’re keeping everything but you.

One-time charges are awful

They can hurt EPS

But laying you off is lawful

So we’ll deal with the stress!

You’re getting two weeks

For each year of service

Our tongues’ in our cheeks

No need to be nervous

“Would you like fries with that?”

is something you can do.

We’re keeping everything but you.